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THE ARTICLE THAT NEVER HAPPENED
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Below is an article I was writing for RELEVANT magazine. It didn't happen. It was a foot in the door that could lead to something awesome. Or simply could be a road that leads to nowhere. Either way, I thought that since enough of you have asked, I would let you read it. Plus, I told Jim Batten he would be on a website. If you've been an avid follower of the blog, this may seem a bit repetitious, but a bit more polished. If you've reviewed it, it will sound a lot repetitious. Thanks for helping.
THE 21ST CENTURY GENTLEMAN
Like every boy, I dreamed of someday becoming a man. These dreams disappeared by adulthood, but there are still men that I still look up and want to emulate.
You and I both know who they are. They are the James Bond’s of the world. The kind of guys who walk in a room, command attention, give respect while also demanding it-- it's the epitome of all manhood. These are the guys people notice. These are the guys people pay attention to.
For most men, we will never be “that guy.” We'll never live a life that looks like his. In fact, most men are growing up without a clear picture of manhood at all (and not the glorified supermen we find on screen). It’s been said that we live within a “fatherless generation”, one in which either no male is present within the home, or the male which is present isn’t active in portraying manhood [see Sarah Moore’s article A Fatherless Generation : Coming to terms with the Loss]. Most of us are dreaming of becoming James Bond until awakening to a reality that is starkly different.
In my journey to manhood (25 years young), I’ve struggled with coming to grips with what it means to be a man of the 21st century. Not simply to be male, because that is a given, but to be definitive of manhood itself. Jim Batten (COO of AG Financial Solutions and former CFO at O’Reilly Auto Parts) echoes the same. “With guys today there is a lot of confusion because they think they are a girly man. You don’t have to be crude and rude to be a man.” This, due to the fact in centuries past, everything was defined. You dressed a certain way, you behaved a certain way and you spoke a certain way. Your life was defined. Our age strips itself of definitions. To put anything within a box rids us of the potential of living outside of it. We are then left to journey our way to an ambiguous destination with “that way” as our only guide.
Yet we long for it. We long for someone to tell us something about how to be more. We long to be better versions of ourselves. We want someone to give us a sense of what it means to be ourselves--who we are, where we are, what we do.
While asking these same questions, I came across an article entitled “How to be a well-dressed, well-mannered, well-spoken 21st Century Gentleman : 66 Rules, Tips, and Secrets for Living – and Looking – Like a Civilized Man” within the pages of GQ. It sounded like the treasury of knowledge by which I could find some answers.
The article revealed ways by which an average male living within the modern age could go about becoming more of a gentleman. Things like turning your cell phone off when with company, opening doors, dressing the part (whether up or down), proper use of blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc., and the proper ways to treat a woman as a way to add a definition to an otherwise undefined topic. It was rich. Situations that had otherwise had lacked a protocol had all of a sudden been put into place as “how things should be.” I even heard a sportscaster say as I was entering my car, magazine in hand, “For everyone that has a big boy job, they are clean cut and well dressed. No exceptions. Look around at the successful men around you and they don’t have shaggy hair and dress trashy. Big boy jobs require big boy conduct.”
After all this, I started thinking, if God were to define a man who people could respect, what would He say? Doubtful He would refer to our digital etiquette and the type of knot we tie around our necks. What would He care about? 1 Timothy and Titus give the qualifications for a deacon / elder. If there were men (or women) within the church that were to be emulated, it would be them. If anyone was to hold a noteworthy position, it would be them. Within the list, we find that this man must be "above reproach, holds faith with a clear conscience, hospitable, blameless, manages his household well, self-controlled, well thought of by outsiders, sober-minded, dignified, disciplined, holy and respectable." The key was to look for this in people. “Find people you can emulate. You can learn something good and something bad from everybody. You can learn something you want to do and something you don’t. You can be working at McDonalds with some boss you hate but when you get the same opportunity to lead, you won’t repeat that” says Mr. Batten.
While these qualities don’t define which fork to pick-up first at dinner, how to lead your partner in a waltz, which way to open a door or what to do with our cell phones, it does give us a sense about how we are perceived and what to do with our character. “The biggest thing missing nowadays is mutual respect” says Jim. “Everybody wants to be respected, but nobody wants to respect anyone else. They don’t show up on time, pay their bills on time or honor others time. They want all the stuff that comes with being respected, but not give the same to others to earn it”
While we're in conversation and interact with society, do qualities like dignified and respectable come to mind? How about holy and sober-minded? Well thought of and self-controlled? Blameless?
You and I will undoubtedly find ourselves in similar situations very soon. People will measure us, and what will their verdict be? If by being examples it means turning off our phones, learning how to create a tie dimple, looking someone in the eye, treating a person the same online as we would to their face or by being fully present while with others, the definition by which someone measures us is already active and well. The Idiot’s Guide to Etiquette in the 21st Century may yet be written but the qualities which carry over to every aspect of our lives are timelessly etched within the pages. “If you do these basic things you stand out so far above the crowd, you’ll be a success. Show up on time, do what you say you’ll do, do extra. It’s all about showing proper respect. That will put you so far ahead that you will be given all the opportunities” says Batten. The mediums we use may be different from more defined ages, but the result remains: the thoughts and feelings we leave are the same as 2000 years ago.
THE 21ST CENTURY GENTLEMAN
Like every boy, I dreamed of someday becoming a man. These dreams disappeared by adulthood, but there are still men that I still look up and want to emulate.
You and I both know who they are. They are the James Bond’s of the world. The kind of guys who walk in a room, command attention, give respect while also demanding it-- it's the epitome of all manhood. These are the guys people notice. These are the guys people pay attention to.
For most men, we will never be “that guy.” We'll never live a life that looks like his. In fact, most men are growing up without a clear picture of manhood at all (and not the glorified supermen we find on screen). It’s been said that we live within a “fatherless generation”, one in which either no male is present within the home, or the male which is present isn’t active in portraying manhood [see Sarah Moore’s article A Fatherless Generation : Coming to terms with the Loss]. Most of us are dreaming of becoming James Bond until awakening to a reality that is starkly different.
In my journey to manhood (25 years young), I’ve struggled with coming to grips with what it means to be a man of the 21st century. Not simply to be male, because that is a given, but to be definitive of manhood itself. Jim Batten (COO of AG Financial Solutions and former CFO at O’Reilly Auto Parts) echoes the same. “With guys today there is a lot of confusion because they think they are a girly man. You don’t have to be crude and rude to be a man.” This, due to the fact in centuries past, everything was defined. You dressed a certain way, you behaved a certain way and you spoke a certain way. Your life was defined. Our age strips itself of definitions. To put anything within a box rids us of the potential of living outside of it. We are then left to journey our way to an ambiguous destination with “that way” as our only guide.
Yet we long for it. We long for someone to tell us something about how to be more. We long to be better versions of ourselves. We want someone to give us a sense of what it means to be ourselves--who we are, where we are, what we do.
While asking these same questions, I came across an article entitled “How to be a well-dressed, well-mannered, well-spoken 21st Century Gentleman : 66 Rules, Tips, and Secrets for Living – and Looking – Like a Civilized Man” within the pages of GQ. It sounded like the treasury of knowledge by which I could find some answers.
The article revealed ways by which an average male living within the modern age could go about becoming more of a gentleman. Things like turning your cell phone off when with company, opening doors, dressing the part (whether up or down), proper use of blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc., and the proper ways to treat a woman as a way to add a definition to an otherwise undefined topic. It was rich. Situations that had otherwise had lacked a protocol had all of a sudden been put into place as “how things should be.” I even heard a sportscaster say as I was entering my car, magazine in hand, “For everyone that has a big boy job, they are clean cut and well dressed. No exceptions. Look around at the successful men around you and they don’t have shaggy hair and dress trashy. Big boy jobs require big boy conduct.”
After all this, I started thinking, if God were to define a man who people could respect, what would He say? Doubtful He would refer to our digital etiquette and the type of knot we tie around our necks. What would He care about? 1 Timothy and Titus give the qualifications for a deacon / elder. If there were men (or women) within the church that were to be emulated, it would be them. If anyone was to hold a noteworthy position, it would be them. Within the list, we find that this man must be "above reproach, holds faith with a clear conscience, hospitable, blameless, manages his household well, self-controlled, well thought of by outsiders, sober-minded, dignified, disciplined, holy and respectable." The key was to look for this in people. “Find people you can emulate. You can learn something good and something bad from everybody. You can learn something you want to do and something you don’t. You can be working at McDonalds with some boss you hate but when you get the same opportunity to lead, you won’t repeat that” says Mr. Batten.
While these qualities don’t define which fork to pick-up first at dinner, how to lead your partner in a waltz, which way to open a door or what to do with our cell phones, it does give us a sense about how we are perceived and what to do with our character. “The biggest thing missing nowadays is mutual respect” says Jim. “Everybody wants to be respected, but nobody wants to respect anyone else. They don’t show up on time, pay their bills on time or honor others time. They want all the stuff that comes with being respected, but not give the same to others to earn it”
While we're in conversation and interact with society, do qualities like dignified and respectable come to mind? How about holy and sober-minded? Well thought of and self-controlled? Blameless?
You and I will undoubtedly find ourselves in similar situations very soon. People will measure us, and what will their verdict be? If by being examples it means turning off our phones, learning how to create a tie dimple, looking someone in the eye, treating a person the same online as we would to their face or by being fully present while with others, the definition by which someone measures us is already active and well. The Idiot’s Guide to Etiquette in the 21st Century may yet be written but the qualities which carry over to every aspect of our lives are timelessly etched within the pages. “If you do these basic things you stand out so far above the crowd, you’ll be a success. Show up on time, do what you say you’ll do, do extra. It’s all about showing proper respect. That will put you so far ahead that you will be given all the opportunities” says Batten. The mediums we use may be different from more defined ages, but the result remains: the thoughts and feelings we leave are the same as 2000 years ago.
